We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
