erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
