Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
