That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
