turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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