God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
