i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You just made me feel so damn special
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
