When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
