no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
