The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
