Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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