I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
