Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
