So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
