the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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