We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
