You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
