thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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