Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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