Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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