I'm drive I can fine osifer
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
