WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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