Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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