I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
