Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
