need another drink. this is the easiest way
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
