I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I intend to get homeless drunk
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
