You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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