I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
