so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
