Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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