Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
