if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
