we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
