No stitches, just platelets and will power
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You pole danced in your parka.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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