u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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