Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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