she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
