so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
