apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
