i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
