whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
