I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
