Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
