when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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