I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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