that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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