smell my finger.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
