You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
