Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
MIDGETS
????
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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