Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
