Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
