No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
