You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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